Wasn't under it, now I'm over it ...

Jabber - to talk or utter rapidly, indistinctly, incoherently, or nonsensically; chatter. rapid, indistinct, or nonsensical talk; gibberish.

Greetings WAISWTW followers. How I have missed you, sorry for my brief absence, trouble was a brewin’ on the career front.

The weeks at work have been ripe with rumors buzzing so thick you have to swat them away constantly. Unfortunately, they are menacing and causing panic and confusion at every step as if a monster was lurking at every turn. (hence my Jabber(get it?)wocky!)

The rumors in the workplace are that we are low on funding and everyone’s job is in peril. Each day there is fresh news to add to the dread. Granted, our head honcho gave an informative speech to the masses recently reassuring them that we were for sure going to have to cut about 20 percent of our workforce, but somehow manage this without anyone being forced out of their job.

WHAT!?!?! Not completely sure how that works, but it sounded very convincing. Pretty sure that if 150 people have to go, there are going to be a few in that many who didn’t volunteer to leave. (but that’s just me … )

The following week has birthed new information that slaps that language square in the jaw. But it leads everyone to question if it is official or if it is just the paranoid ranting of the office busybodies, doing their best to create a disturbance in the force.

Now the amount of whisperings is skyrocketing while trying to cover up the mass hysteria lingering just under the surface.

No matter how many of these websites and self-help advice tips I find, I know that they only work if everyone participates, otherwise no one will ever be truly free of this gossip disease. But I do always enjoy reading these and believing in a Utopian work society. Hey, a girl can dream right?

And yes, by telling this I am helping to continue the "talk", but I just thought an explaination for my absence was needed.

Whilst my job is laid on the chopping block in the turbulence of lack of funding, I shall try to think of other times when office rumors left my head spinning.

A few years ago I made friends with a girl in my office. She was a few years younger than me, yet was much more - shall we say – experienced in life. This girl had partied hard until hard was pummeled into dust. She had bedded more lovers than I would like to recount (because, oh yes, she did like to share those details … bleh). She drank, she skanked, she lived it up in ways that made me fear I would get an STD vicariously through her stories.

Now, while we were friends, I did not judge, I supported her in what she wanted to do with her life as long as it made her happy. I can’t say I had the wherewithal to live such a live-style, but I didn’t want to seem prudish and judgmental. But looking back on it now, knowing what I know of how our friendship ended and the horrible decisions she made, I can say I doubt those will be stories she would ever want her future children to know or repeat.

During our time as friends, new ladies came to work with us in our office. They were nice women in their 30s and 40s, who were desperately trying to know what the younger crowd was in to. Regrettably, their thirst for this knowledge also brought with it their imaginations and creative fictions.

I didn’t talk with them about my personal life because I was their team leader and wanted to remain professional. This only gave them the fuel they needed to start a brushfire. I learned within the next few days that they had hypothesized that because I am a blonde that it must be true that I “have more fun”.

I learned that they were saying that I must spend most of my time out of work partying harder than the Delta Tau Chi Fraternity and probably entertaining the male persuasion like Mata Hari. Let me be clear, I am just not that much fun.

My friend, who actually could have spoken to this lifestyle, heard these rumors at the time and tried eagerly to convince them that while I was a good friend, I was pretty much a stick in the mud. I both appreciated that, and felt a pang of depression knowing that I was in fact, kinda boring, but still satisfied with what I was.

Later on, when my friend and I stopped being friends, she became acquaintances with these ladies. They quickly learned of her extracurricular activities, but chose to applaud them and her. Though they knew this about her, they decided to put the reputation that would go with these life choices onto me instead.

I would hear my exfriend tell of her nightly escapades in the office then by the next week hear the same story retold somewhere else in the building, but this time with my name substituted for hers.

As I said in my introductory blog, my alter ego is having much, much, much more fun than I ever will.

What is told in the ear of a man is often heard 100 miles away. ~Chinese Proverb

Here is something a little harder than my normal music videos, for those who can appreciate it.

The indecency of others

I am going to take it easy today on my preachy anti-gossip norm. I am worn out after a long week, and yep it is only Wednesday. I have had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. So I don’t feel like thinking too much about writing, because on a daily basis it is brow beaten into my head that I am apparently in some people’s eyes not a good writer. Therefore, here goes with me not caring.

Today I will instead just tell a rumor that was hurtful but hit on a deeper, more sensitive level. This is not a happy story with a funny ending, just so you know. We will be back to our regularly schedule programming next week …

Last year around this time, my sister told me that her boyfriend, (practically my brother-in-law, because he is family to us, so we will call him Bro), was looking for a better job as the one he was in was going south. I looked around where I worked, and within a week had found one and he became my coworker.

My true intentions behind getting him this job were to have him work closer to home so that he could spend more time with my sister. Her health was never good due to a disease called Cystic Fibrosis (seriously, ifyou look at nothing else, please go to that link), and her health had been getting worse over the last couple of years. I knew she would be home over the summer because she was a teacher, and I wanted him to be able to eat lunch with her every day.

Until summer time came, Bro and I would usually have lunch together at work in the break room and just talk. It was nice to connect with him since we didn’t see each other very much. I knew people would talk, and sure enough, I was asked many times whom the new guy I was seeing at work was. As always, I would set the record straight and tell them he was my brother and they shouldn’t always assume the dirty deed.

In early June, just a week before summer break was to start for my sister, tragedy struck. We lost my sister very suddenly as she finally was overtaken by her disease. It was the worst time in my life and in that of my family. My sister was 30 years old, and should have lived into old age, picking on me and arguing with me every day until we were too old and tired to think up quick wit insults for each other.

It was incredibly hard to go back to work after losing her, it was hard to do much of anything, it felt like I had lost half of my heart. The pain for Bro was just as terrible, and was even harder to have him come back to work. When we finally did return to work I would pack both of our lunches and we would again meet up each day for lunch together.

Most of the people in the building knew at that point what had happened and would pass on their condolences.

Unfortunately, there were other whisperings that it is very lucky for people that I didn’t hear until much later. There were rumors going around that Bro and I had started seeing each other or sleeping together.

To say I was disgusted and upset with the situation is a gross understatement of the actual events. I was ashamed to call these people coworkers that they would ever believe such horrible tales.

The dislike of a job should be a reason to want to leave it, not the cattiness of one’s fellow employees.

People are truly hateful that they could make such a tawdry story up out of such heartbreak. What’s worse, I was told this months later by a coworker who had heard it multiple times. However, in telling me this story there was no admittance of denial on their part. There was no “Don’t worry, when I heard that I corrected them and set the record straight.”

No, instead it was just the “Oh yeah I heard that lots of times. Can’t believe you didn’t know that by now.”

Folks, if you are a friend to someone, you don’t even have to be a true friend, just someone who is a decent human being; when you hear something as nasty as that said about someone, and you know it to be false, SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT! Don’t just hear it and guffaw to yourself about someone’s ignorance, stand up for your fellow humankind, especially when someone is going through a hard, horrible time in their life. It is the right thing to do.

Bro no longer works with me, though as much as I miss having him there to talk to each day, I am glad in a way also, because it shuts the rumormongers up at least on that topic.

I miss my sister more than I can explain. I know, as she always did when I would complain to her of a nasty rumor that someone had started, that she would say “People are stupid and you shouldn’t let them get to you.”

It should be just as easy as that.  

Kids these days, and the people they grow in to.

Talebearer: a person who spreads gossip, secrets, etc., that may cause trouble or harm.

With the invention of social media came the ability to destroy reputations and livelihoods on a grandiose scale. Unfortunately, along with this came the inability or carelessness of parents to mediate what their children are doing online. While some parents out there still attempt to block or talk with their kids about safety and morals when it comes to the internet; there are still those who look at it as a solution to having to acknowledge a problem.

 I thank my lucky stars that the internet was still in its infancy when I was growing up and in school. We didn’t have cell phones to text with, there were no mass email blasts, and there was definitely no Facebook. I was picked on throughout middle school for being a chubby, little dork with glasses, ratty hair, book smart, and who wore clothes of which they didn’t approve.

It didn’t matter what I did, there were so many days where I wanted or did breakdown and cry due to the abuse I got from classmates and even from those I thought were my friends. Had online social media been around then, I am not sure I would have made it out of middle school as unscathed as I did.

Children now seem to have gained an even crueler streak with rumors and bullying. Cyber bullying has become a trendy fad that we hear about in the news far too often. I found a few sites, much like those that I have been posting in past entries, but rather than directed at office gossip, they are aimed at helping children or young adults deal with nasty chitchat.

This subject is even being addressed in children’s shows, or by family networks. This is a good technique for reaching them. When it seems that children are more glued to the TV, cell phone, and iPods, this may be the only way to get to them. Adults now a-days can’t always relate to what kids are going through, it is a completely different world now. It is tough even for school counselors and teachers to reach out to students to get them to talk. There are some school systems that have laws to try to stop these problems. However, this has been the problems for ages. Past generations can never truly understand what the next gen is experiencing.

One of the articles talks about kids who spread rumors having low self esteems themselves and having to tear others down to make themselves feel better. It is amazing, because through my adulthood I have witnessed these individuals as grownups. It always has made me wonder what their childhood or their personal lives are like for them to turn into such heinous people. The worst part is that when a person gets to be so hateful with their words and actions, it is hard to care what they could possibly be going through outside of the office that would make them need to tear others down.   

When I was in middle school, (my most favorite of past times), I had a group that I sat with everyday at lunch. I thought they were my friends, but eventually found I was mistaken. Each day I would get bumped further down the lunch table, until one day I found myself sitting across from one of the toughest girls in my grade.

That day she was in a dangerously serious bad mood, and I was the little shrimp that was put into just the right place for a beat down. On this very day, she had been told the rumor that there was another girl moving in on her boyfriend and writing terrible things about her on the bathroom wall. She took my moving to sit in front of her to be my admittance to these acts.

She began accosting me with foul language and accusations, the likes of which I could barely fathom. Referencing past entries, I was a tomboy, guys were buds not boyfriend material to me back then. This girl was already several inches taller than most of the grade, was actually pretty when she wasn’t trying to bash your face in, and, well let’s just say she was developed. There was no way a guy was going to look at a dorky pipsqueak like me over her.

She screamed that she knew I wanted “her man” and that there was no way I was getting anywhere near him. She also said she knew what I had written about her in the bathroom and that she was going to redecorate my face for it. Her boyfriend, who had been sitting next to her trying to calm her down, was emphatically insisting that it wasn’t me and he didn’t even know or care who I was.

I remember sitting in terror waiting to be killed at the lunch table, unable to even speak to address the gossip she had been mislead to believe. She lunged across the table at me, but was impeded by her boyfriend who accidently spilled chocolate milk all down her shirt and pants. I was of course also blamed for this.

Now, I have tried my best to forget all things that happened at this time in my life, so I actually had to have my mom remind me what happened to resolve this issue.

I apparently went home and told my parents about the events that had occurred, and had to beg my mother not to talk to the principal about this situation. I assured her that I would handle it.

Within a few days, I was thrown into my locker by this same girl. She was about to knock out my teeth when another girl friend of hers stopped her and told her it wasn’t I she wanted to kill. My attacker quickly demanded I tell her the truth. I explained my innocent side of the story and she was satisfied enough to walk away without murdering me before my first class.

Strangely enough, the next time I was pushed to her end of the table she was completely civilized and kind to me. After that, she actually took me under her overarching, terror-inflicting wing and kept me protected from other dangerous bullies.

I often wonder what became of her ...

It is sometimes very scary to find out you have no idea how a person is going to react to a rumor about them. Another reason why folks shouldn’t start them, it can get dangerous.

It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper. ~Errol Flynn

I heard a rumor...

Rumormonger - a person given to spreading rumors, often maliciously.

Well hello there scandal fans. Hope you all had a wonderful week. I needed a short break from the gossip world, unfortunately, the gossip world would have none of that, and continued on without my support.

Let’s once again talk about office gossip. What a lovely topic, and just never seems to get old … or should I say, it never seems to die.

Here are a few different approaches to this issue. The first two articles give a few tips on how to quash office place gossip. The other encourages using “good” gossip to your advantage in the work place.

The first and second articles talk about bad gossip that can grow out of a simple event, but take a bad spin that can hurt or mislead people. This takes place a lot when people become ho-hum with their tedious jobs. I have a theory that if people truly loved what they were doing, they wouldn’t have anytime to complain or think up malicious stories about other people. Perhaps that is just my Utopian view of how I wish things could be.

The third article is referring not to malevolent gossip, but instead just office news that can’t be completely official, but you still want people to know about it. The writer says it could be more harmful to try to completely restrict gossiping, I assume this means there are offices that tell people they can’t talk at all. In this the writer says, “If it’s negative behavior you’re trying to eliminate – then that’s simple – do the right thing.” AGREED!

Just this last week office gossip reared its ugly head yet again. Although I brushed it off and laughed at its ridiculousness, I did tell a weekly reader I would mention it in my next blog. Sticking with my rule of no real names, we will call him just that, “Reader.”

Contrary to popular belief, or the theory that made Harry and Sally so famous, it is possible for men and women to be just friends. As I have said in past blogs, I was a tomboy and I have more guy friends than I do girl friends.

As Reader in this story has admitted to me, he likes being a guy because he either doesn’t hear the gossip, doesn’t know it is going on, isn’t part of it, or just doesn’t care.

I consider Reader to be a friend, and I stop by occasionally to say hello at his cubicle. It is innocent, nothing nefarious to the situation, just two people having a casual conversation. That is my first mistake. In my work place, you can’t just innocently do anything without making the rusty wheels in someone’s mind start turning out naughty thoughts.

One day last week, I received an email from Reader stating that there was a rumor that “there was this girl who was always in his cubicle” that totally wanted him.

Guess who the girl in the story was … give up yet?

Funny thing is, this here bit of gossip was started by none other than a man. Since Reader works in a largely male populated section of the facility, makes me think that this rumormonger wasn’t the only one mongering.

I love it when I can am told what thoughts are “actually” on my mind when I am doing something. Now, if I am standing next to a double fudge chocolate cupcake with finger licking good frosting on top, then it would be a safe bet to say, “you totally want that.” You bet your ass I want that, now move or I will bowl you over to get it.

However, do not assume that speaking to a man, or a woman for that matter, makes me want to jump his, or her, bones. That is a good way to mess up friendships, cause hostilities with significant others, and a whole jumble of other issues. Word of advice to those who just can’t help but speak on every “event” they see, keep your mouth shut, your opinions to yourself, and get your mind out of the gutter.

Damn, now I want a cupcake.

If an American was condemned to confine his activity to his own affairs, he would be robbed of one half of his existence. ~Alexis de Tocqueville, 1835

Oh and I wanted to share this little ditty… check out how this rumor spanned over severaldecades to cause absurd reactions fueled by none other than the internet. But wait, it was started by the internet. Ah evolution … look how far we have come.

Not to mention … Hit it Bananarama! Can we be thankful these styles are out now?  

Honesty is the best policy

Scuttlebutt – origins 1805, "water cask kept on a ship's deck," from scuttle "opening in a ship's deck"  butt "barrel." Earlier scuttle cask (1777). Meaning "rumor, gossip" first recorded 1901, originally nautical slang, traditionally said to be from sailors' custom of gathering around the scuttlebutt.

Ever grazed around the proverbial water cooler in the office and chewed the juicy gossip cud? No? Yeah, you must realize no one believes anyone is innocent of that crime.

Workplace gossip scenarios provide the greatest amounts of hearsay and entertainment that money can buy. And boy, are we all addicted to what comes out of these Chatty Cathy moments.

Anyone at anytime could put a stop to these events and congregations, but no one steps up to bat. In an article I found this week from The Trust Ambassador, the writer speaks of building trust and the importance of leaders and supervisors having to spend valuable time dispelling rumors in the work place. Now granted, this article is based more on rumors dealing with workplace issues such as pay cuts and such, but a leader could take the information to heart for other situations also. (Note to self: send this information to former bosses.)

The Ambassador gives seven tips for leaders to decrease the blow cause by rumors. All of these guidelines require a manager to get into the thick of things with their workers, getting to know them and helping to set information straight when something begins to sour. I believe that leaders should be proactive in this manner. In the past, I have had several passive supervisors, some who hid in their cubicles to avoid confrontation, and others who wanted to be everyone’s friend and joined in on the gossip while out on a smoke breaks.

A second article I found, directed to the human resource folk, reiterates the points brought up by Ambassador. Both are adamant that honesty is the best policy. Sounds like we have ourselves a theme here folks.

This seems like a simple concept to grasp, but in my experience, by the time a rumor has reached my ears, it has grown into a multi-headed hydra. Each time you try to cut off a head with honesty, two more heads spring up in its place. Time to hop in the DeLorean with Marty McFly to find out how my man Heracles dealt with such a monster.

Of course, having a supervisor to jump in and squash a rumor is a major help in the war on gossip. While I have had some truly gutless wonders as bosses in the past, I have also had the good experience of administrators who are actually in my corner.

Recently, I suffered through a series of rumors that centered around one insecure bickering couple that unbeknownst to me were using me as a pawn against one another.  

Back story being, about a year ago, I was asked out by a guy at work. Seemed like a nice enough fellow so I said yes. Over the next several weeks we communicated only by email (truly romantic, I know). During our technology based conversations, this particular chap would give me “outs”, meaning explaining reasons why I should not go out with him. It began to get awkward, and to make a long story short I finally accepted an out and told him I would not have dinner with him and that was the end of our talking.

I went on with life as I normally would, thinking that was over and done with. Several months later I found out that he was dating a lady at work that I dealt with occasionally. She kept their relationship a secret from me afraid I would be upset. However, I had no emotions invested in the matter.

During their romantic interlude that lasted a few months I began to discover my name was being brought up each time they argued. He would say I was bitter and starting rumors because he broke my heart by dumping me, (don’t ask me where that came from), and she would dramatically bring all of her problems to me, dragging me into their soap opera. Having any knowledge of their relationship began to turn my stomach as I was forced to listen to all the sappy details.
When they finally broke up, I thought I was in the clear and the minefield was cleared. Little did I know their arguments continued, as did the slanderous use of my name and actions.

The guy came to me one day to reveal that my so called “actions” in their relationship had escalated so far up that my higher headquarters’ bosses had been informed that I was a trouble maker and a home wrecker.

At this point, I was livid. I went to my supervisor and exploded my frustrations and upset over the entire situation. To know that I hadn’t even been part of the situation, but that my job was now being threatened by the idiotic ravings of two black hole crossed lovers.

I wanted to let me supervisor know so that if it was brought to her attention, she wasn’t in the dark. Instead of just listening to my plight, she immediately took action. She called the higher ups that were involved to set the record straight. She met the situation with honesty and explained the real story to those I was told were involved.

This action to me was a true show of how a boss should react to the rumor mill: meet it head on and firmly put a stop to it.

It turns out during her conversation with HQ that the guy had actually lied to me and that no one except he and this woman were talking about me. They had put me through great upset to use me against one another and had lied directly to me.

My boss going to bat for me helped bring complete closure to this situation for me. I told the couple to leave me the *BLEEP* alone and never breath my name again. Had my boss not done this for me, I would have continued to stress over this situation just waiting for the repercussions to sneak up on me.

Did I mention I had drama?

Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you. ~Spanish Proverb

 

The Devil is in the Details

Fabrication - the act or process of fabricating; manufacture; something fabricated, especially an untruthful statement

In my weekly searches for information about rumors and gossip I have discovered some true gems amongst the smutty celebrity gossip sites. This week I came upon this blog from a family-centered, solutions-focused therapist, Nakia Fleming. I read over this entry “Rumors,Gossip, and Speculation”, and enjoyed her advice and insights into the world of gossip.

She tells the history of Gossip. Now this is something I previously should have done my homework on, but have now discovered interesting tidbits about the word and its meanings. Gossip actually used to be used to describe good things, believe it or not. It used to be a title for godparents and for women who talked with a pregnant woman through the process of child birthing. Amazing discovering the evolution of words and their definitions.

Back to Fleming though, she writes about how fast gossip spreads and what the possible causes, benefits and reasoning behind could be. She states, (and I find it to be very true based on my failed no gossip experiment), “Very few people proudly admit to it, but we all gossip. Some of us even relish it.”

She reveals, “Biologists analyzed sample human conversations and found that about 60% of time was spent gossiping about relationships and personal experiences.”

Holy loud mouth blabbers, Batman! Sixty percent of the time, that is crazy, yet not wholly unbelievable based on my own experiences. So what are we talking about the rest of the time? Events, history, plans? I have to admit I have pondered this a few times throughout my life thinking that I must be the most boring person that I only talk about myself or other people. So glad to hear I am not the only one out there.

Fleming goes on to share tips for preventing gossip and dealing with it in the workplace. It may be far too late and far down the road for me to start some of these practices, but I figure it can’t hurt to try.

One of her instructions is “sharing only information that you are comfortable having others talk about.” Here is a prime example of watching what you share:

For those of you who have been following the rantings on this Chattergirl, you may remember me telling a story about Friend.  If not, you could read back, or know that Friend was a nice guy who helped me out of a sticky situation, only to then have a tall tale spun about actions that didn’t happen.

Friend and I, even after the proverbial s#%t-hitting-the-fan rumors began to fly, hung out, talked, and many days of the work week had lunch together.

One day Friend and I attended an event at work where there was a nice buffet of cheeses, fruit and veggies, little sandwiches, and cake. This event took place at about 9 am, so that much food wasn’t necessary, but that didn’t stop anyone from queuing up anyway to stuff their faces and flap their gums.

Friend and I started in line together but were separated at the cheddar and crackers platter by one of my supervisors.  While filling up a plate that I would consider a yummy yet out of place breakfast, I turned to Friend and asked “So where are we going for lunch?”

At this my supervisor snapped back with “How can you talk about lunch when you are about to eat food?”

I laughed and patted my stomach to show that I had lots of room to hold second breakfasts, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner, and supper, and said “Because we are growing children.” In this, I jokingly meant that I was still growing and needed to eat to keep up my energy.

Unfortunately, my supervisor yelled at the top of her lungs, in the middle of a line in a room full of a multitude of people, including a lot of higher ups and busy bodies, “YOU’RE PREGNANT!?!?”

She then did a double take looking from Friend to me to Friend to me, notably making up a connection of the two in her head at that very moment.

I quickly tried to set the record straight, but by that time, the damage was done. Too many people had heard and my adamant denial only fueled the rumormonger wild fire.

Embarrassed by my stupid joke’s massive backfire, I returned to my office in an attempt to just down play the situation and distract myself with work. This was only minutes after the actual event, but by the time I reached my office, at the other end of the building and a floor down, I was already being greeted by congratulations and well wishes for the fake fetuses growing inside me.

One busybody even came bouncing up to me super excited at the opportunity of knitting me a blanket and baby hat. Lord, give me strength not to punch my coworkers.

By the end of the week, I was pregnant with twins and in need of a paternity test to figure out who the father was out of my multiple alleged lovers. Rumors tend to take on a life of their own, this time it was in the form fraternal twins.

Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules. ~Douglas Adams

Kind of a hilarious song about rumors and gossip... take it away boys.

People Gonna Talk

Quidnunc: a person who seeks to know all the latest news or gossip: busybody

My dear readers, I have failed, failed miserably at my weeklong mission. I have discovered that while it is not so hard to keep yourself from spreading rumors, it is nearly impossible to not talk about people, in either a good or a bad manner.

I had informed my family and friends of my undertaking in hopes that they would keep me in line. I found that I would be in the middle of the conversation with them and one or several of them would call me out for discussing someone else who was not present. Whether it was to describe the weird man walking around in my neighborhood or talk about something fun I had done with a friend the day before, I could not avoid the inevitable.

I am still trying to continue in this quest, but I going to strive to avoid talking about anyone in a negative manner.

I wanted to share a fascinating radio broadcast that I discovered. It is an hour long but the first 40 minutes are very interesting. The show is called This American Life and this episode is focused on Gossip. Now I am betting most people won’t listen to this, but if you have a little bit of time, lend it your ear. I am including the transcript also, but much is lost when reading.

At the beginning of this show the host, Sarah Koenig, is speaking with a married couple, Jeff and Julie, about a gossip situation that they experienced. Julie told her husband, Jeff, gossip that she had heard thinking it would be a dead topic at that time. However, the husband went on to repeat the story to women at a party sometime later. He described the sensation of gossiping with these women as intoxicating because of the attention that he was receiving.

Julie was upset with Jeff because, as the host says, “Jeff's defense is that he doesn't have Julie's talent for understanding the contours of gossip. He can't feel the significance of secrets the way she does. He can't always figure out their weight and value and danger. It's a real disability.”

Unfortunately, this is a defense that many use when caught up in the exotic holdings of the world of scandalous talk. It turns out that we crave that attention, (even if we don’t realize it), and the electricity of secrets and chitchat is invigorating.

The next section of the show focuses on gossip in Africa, which is based greatly in the talk of sex and AIDS. In one example the guest, Hazel Namandingo, discusses rumors that follow around women who are beautiful, with weight on them, and good skin, that they probably have HIV because their pills would cause such looks.

On that note let me share my own experience:

A few years ago, I moved up in my career to a position that offered more promising opportunities. When I did this, I decided it was time to move up in my personal lifestyle also. I began dressing more professionally, I decided it was time to invest in a house, and I bought a new car.

Now I know this makes me sound like Ms. Money Bags, but I assure you, I am just a frugal spender and make wise financial decisions (most of the time).

I am independent person, I have yet to be in a long term relationship that would allow me to share responsibilities with a significant other. For now I enjoy knowing that I can do it myself.

But wait, that can’t be right … One of the least hurtful yet semi condescending rumors was created from this stroke of mature independence.

While playing a game of softball, I overheard a few of my teammates saying my name; being curious and not being part of a conversation about me, I interrupted the scuttlebutt. They proceeded to ask me when I had gotten married.

Completely confused by this I asked for further clarification. Turns out that the grapevine had produced a bitter wine of wordplay that told tales of me getting married to some unknown beau, because there was no way I would ever be able to achieve such life goals by myself.

I would love one day to get married and have the white picket fence, two and a half kids, apple pie dream lifestyle; but for now, I like that I have what I have because I worked my way to getting it and didn’t need anyone else’s help to do so.

Love this song, seems so fitting if you listen to the radio broadcast too.

Your- not-yet-Mrs.,

Lady Chattergirl