Kids these days, and the people they grow in to.

Talebearer: a person who spreads gossip, secrets, etc., that may cause trouble or harm.

With the invention of social media came the ability to destroy reputations and livelihoods on a grandiose scale. Unfortunately, along with this came the inability or carelessness of parents to mediate what their children are doing online. While some parents out there still attempt to block or talk with their kids about safety and morals when it comes to the internet; there are still those who look at it as a solution to having to acknowledge a problem.

 I thank my lucky stars that the internet was still in its infancy when I was growing up and in school. We didn’t have cell phones to text with, there were no mass email blasts, and there was definitely no Facebook. I was picked on throughout middle school for being a chubby, little dork with glasses, ratty hair, book smart, and who wore clothes of which they didn’t approve.

It didn’t matter what I did, there were so many days where I wanted or did breakdown and cry due to the abuse I got from classmates and even from those I thought were my friends. Had online social media been around then, I am not sure I would have made it out of middle school as unscathed as I did.

Children now seem to have gained an even crueler streak with rumors and bullying. Cyber bullying has become a trendy fad that we hear about in the news far too often. I found a few sites, much like those that I have been posting in past entries, but rather than directed at office gossip, they are aimed at helping children or young adults deal with nasty chitchat.

This subject is even being addressed in children’s shows, or by family networks. This is a good technique for reaching them. When it seems that children are more glued to the TV, cell phone, and iPods, this may be the only way to get to them. Adults now a-days can’t always relate to what kids are going through, it is a completely different world now. It is tough even for school counselors and teachers to reach out to students to get them to talk. There are some school systems that have laws to try to stop these problems. However, this has been the problems for ages. Past generations can never truly understand what the next gen is experiencing.

One of the articles talks about kids who spread rumors having low self esteems themselves and having to tear others down to make themselves feel better. It is amazing, because through my adulthood I have witnessed these individuals as grownups. It always has made me wonder what their childhood or their personal lives are like for them to turn into such heinous people. The worst part is that when a person gets to be so hateful with their words and actions, it is hard to care what they could possibly be going through outside of the office that would make them need to tear others down.   

When I was in middle school, (my most favorite of past times), I had a group that I sat with everyday at lunch. I thought they were my friends, but eventually found I was mistaken. Each day I would get bumped further down the lunch table, until one day I found myself sitting across from one of the toughest girls in my grade.

That day she was in a dangerously serious bad mood, and I was the little shrimp that was put into just the right place for a beat down. On this very day, she had been told the rumor that there was another girl moving in on her boyfriend and writing terrible things about her on the bathroom wall. She took my moving to sit in front of her to be my admittance to these acts.

She began accosting me with foul language and accusations, the likes of which I could barely fathom. Referencing past entries, I was a tomboy, guys were buds not boyfriend material to me back then. This girl was already several inches taller than most of the grade, was actually pretty when she wasn’t trying to bash your face in, and, well let’s just say she was developed. There was no way a guy was going to look at a dorky pipsqueak like me over her.

She screamed that she knew I wanted “her man” and that there was no way I was getting anywhere near him. She also said she knew what I had written about her in the bathroom and that she was going to redecorate my face for it. Her boyfriend, who had been sitting next to her trying to calm her down, was emphatically insisting that it wasn’t me and he didn’t even know or care who I was.

I remember sitting in terror waiting to be killed at the lunch table, unable to even speak to address the gossip she had been mislead to believe. She lunged across the table at me, but was impeded by her boyfriend who accidently spilled chocolate milk all down her shirt and pants. I was of course also blamed for this.

Now, I have tried my best to forget all things that happened at this time in my life, so I actually had to have my mom remind me what happened to resolve this issue.

I apparently went home and told my parents about the events that had occurred, and had to beg my mother not to talk to the principal about this situation. I assured her that I would handle it.

Within a few days, I was thrown into my locker by this same girl. She was about to knock out my teeth when another girl friend of hers stopped her and told her it wasn’t I she wanted to kill. My attacker quickly demanded I tell her the truth. I explained my innocent side of the story and she was satisfied enough to walk away without murdering me before my first class.

Strangely enough, the next time I was pushed to her end of the table she was completely civilized and kind to me. After that, she actually took me under her overarching, terror-inflicting wing and kept me protected from other dangerous bullies.

I often wonder what became of her ...

It is sometimes very scary to find out you have no idea how a person is going to react to a rumor about them. Another reason why folks shouldn’t start them, it can get dangerous.

It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper. ~Errol Flynn

I heard a rumor...

Rumormonger - a person given to spreading rumors, often maliciously.

Well hello there scandal fans. Hope you all had a wonderful week. I needed a short break from the gossip world, unfortunately, the gossip world would have none of that, and continued on without my support.

Let’s once again talk about office gossip. What a lovely topic, and just never seems to get old … or should I say, it never seems to die.

Here are a few different approaches to this issue. The first two articles give a few tips on how to quash office place gossip. The other encourages using “good” gossip to your advantage in the work place.

The first and second articles talk about bad gossip that can grow out of a simple event, but take a bad spin that can hurt or mislead people. This takes place a lot when people become ho-hum with their tedious jobs. I have a theory that if people truly loved what they were doing, they wouldn’t have anytime to complain or think up malicious stories about other people. Perhaps that is just my Utopian view of how I wish things could be.

The third article is referring not to malevolent gossip, but instead just office news that can’t be completely official, but you still want people to know about it. The writer says it could be more harmful to try to completely restrict gossiping, I assume this means there are offices that tell people they can’t talk at all. In this the writer says, “If it’s negative behavior you’re trying to eliminate – then that’s simple – do the right thing.” AGREED!

Just this last week office gossip reared its ugly head yet again. Although I brushed it off and laughed at its ridiculousness, I did tell a weekly reader I would mention it in my next blog. Sticking with my rule of no real names, we will call him just that, “Reader.”

Contrary to popular belief, or the theory that made Harry and Sally so famous, it is possible for men and women to be just friends. As I have said in past blogs, I was a tomboy and I have more guy friends than I do girl friends.

As Reader in this story has admitted to me, he likes being a guy because he either doesn’t hear the gossip, doesn’t know it is going on, isn’t part of it, or just doesn’t care.

I consider Reader to be a friend, and I stop by occasionally to say hello at his cubicle. It is innocent, nothing nefarious to the situation, just two people having a casual conversation. That is my first mistake. In my work place, you can’t just innocently do anything without making the rusty wheels in someone’s mind start turning out naughty thoughts.

One day last week, I received an email from Reader stating that there was a rumor that “there was this girl who was always in his cubicle” that totally wanted him.

Guess who the girl in the story was … give up yet?

Funny thing is, this here bit of gossip was started by none other than a man. Since Reader works in a largely male populated section of the facility, makes me think that this rumormonger wasn’t the only one mongering.

I love it when I can am told what thoughts are “actually” on my mind when I am doing something. Now, if I am standing next to a double fudge chocolate cupcake with finger licking good frosting on top, then it would be a safe bet to say, “you totally want that.” You bet your ass I want that, now move or I will bowl you over to get it.

However, do not assume that speaking to a man, or a woman for that matter, makes me want to jump his, or her, bones. That is a good way to mess up friendships, cause hostilities with significant others, and a whole jumble of other issues. Word of advice to those who just can’t help but speak on every “event” they see, keep your mouth shut, your opinions to yourself, and get your mind out of the gutter.

Damn, now I want a cupcake.

If an American was condemned to confine his activity to his own affairs, he would be robbed of one half of his existence. ~Alexis de Tocqueville, 1835

Oh and I wanted to share this little ditty… check out how this rumor spanned over severaldecades to cause absurd reactions fueled by none other than the internet. But wait, it was started by the internet. Ah evolution … look how far we have come.

Not to mention … Hit it Bananarama! Can we be thankful these styles are out now?  

Honesty is the best policy

Scuttlebutt – origins 1805, "water cask kept on a ship's deck," from scuttle "opening in a ship's deck"  butt "barrel." Earlier scuttle cask (1777). Meaning "rumor, gossip" first recorded 1901, originally nautical slang, traditionally said to be from sailors' custom of gathering around the scuttlebutt.

Ever grazed around the proverbial water cooler in the office and chewed the juicy gossip cud? No? Yeah, you must realize no one believes anyone is innocent of that crime.

Workplace gossip scenarios provide the greatest amounts of hearsay and entertainment that money can buy. And boy, are we all addicted to what comes out of these Chatty Cathy moments.

Anyone at anytime could put a stop to these events and congregations, but no one steps up to bat. In an article I found this week from The Trust Ambassador, the writer speaks of building trust and the importance of leaders and supervisors having to spend valuable time dispelling rumors in the work place. Now granted, this article is based more on rumors dealing with workplace issues such as pay cuts and such, but a leader could take the information to heart for other situations also. (Note to self: send this information to former bosses.)

The Ambassador gives seven tips for leaders to decrease the blow cause by rumors. All of these guidelines require a manager to get into the thick of things with their workers, getting to know them and helping to set information straight when something begins to sour. I believe that leaders should be proactive in this manner. In the past, I have had several passive supervisors, some who hid in their cubicles to avoid confrontation, and others who wanted to be everyone’s friend and joined in on the gossip while out on a smoke breaks.

A second article I found, directed to the human resource folk, reiterates the points brought up by Ambassador. Both are adamant that honesty is the best policy. Sounds like we have ourselves a theme here folks.

This seems like a simple concept to grasp, but in my experience, by the time a rumor has reached my ears, it has grown into a multi-headed hydra. Each time you try to cut off a head with honesty, two more heads spring up in its place. Time to hop in the DeLorean with Marty McFly to find out how my man Heracles dealt with such a monster.

Of course, having a supervisor to jump in and squash a rumor is a major help in the war on gossip. While I have had some truly gutless wonders as bosses in the past, I have also had the good experience of administrators who are actually in my corner.

Recently, I suffered through a series of rumors that centered around one insecure bickering couple that unbeknownst to me were using me as a pawn against one another.  

Back story being, about a year ago, I was asked out by a guy at work. Seemed like a nice enough fellow so I said yes. Over the next several weeks we communicated only by email (truly romantic, I know). During our technology based conversations, this particular chap would give me “outs”, meaning explaining reasons why I should not go out with him. It began to get awkward, and to make a long story short I finally accepted an out and told him I would not have dinner with him and that was the end of our talking.

I went on with life as I normally would, thinking that was over and done with. Several months later I found out that he was dating a lady at work that I dealt with occasionally. She kept their relationship a secret from me afraid I would be upset. However, I had no emotions invested in the matter.

During their romantic interlude that lasted a few months I began to discover my name was being brought up each time they argued. He would say I was bitter and starting rumors because he broke my heart by dumping me, (don’t ask me where that came from), and she would dramatically bring all of her problems to me, dragging me into their soap opera. Having any knowledge of their relationship began to turn my stomach as I was forced to listen to all the sappy details.
When they finally broke up, I thought I was in the clear and the minefield was cleared. Little did I know their arguments continued, as did the slanderous use of my name and actions.

The guy came to me one day to reveal that my so called “actions” in their relationship had escalated so far up that my higher headquarters’ bosses had been informed that I was a trouble maker and a home wrecker.

At this point, I was livid. I went to my supervisor and exploded my frustrations and upset over the entire situation. To know that I hadn’t even been part of the situation, but that my job was now being threatened by the idiotic ravings of two black hole crossed lovers.

I wanted to let me supervisor know so that if it was brought to her attention, she wasn’t in the dark. Instead of just listening to my plight, she immediately took action. She called the higher ups that were involved to set the record straight. She met the situation with honesty and explained the real story to those I was told were involved.

This action to me was a true show of how a boss should react to the rumor mill: meet it head on and firmly put a stop to it.

It turns out during her conversation with HQ that the guy had actually lied to me and that no one except he and this woman were talking about me. They had put me through great upset to use me against one another and had lied directly to me.

My boss going to bat for me helped bring complete closure to this situation for me. I told the couple to leave me the *BLEEP* alone and never breath my name again. Had my boss not done this for me, I would have continued to stress over this situation just waiting for the repercussions to sneak up on me.

Did I mention I had drama?

Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you. ~Spanish Proverb