You can dish it, can you take it?

To dish - to dispense abusive language or punishment; or to talk together informally, especially, to gossip.

In my online searching this week, I found some genuinely interesting articles that completely disagree with my stance on the subject of gossip and rumors. Funny enough, this first article even used some of the same references that I mentioned in my first blog, but introduced it in a different light.

Charles Walker, a psychologist at St. Bonaventure University in New York, has done many studies on gossip and rumors, and thinks that gossip can be a good thing. He believes that gossip isn’t always malicious and that less than 10 percent of gossip is actually scandalous, (does this mean I am part of the 10 percent?) Though Walker does say that rumors are bad. 

For anyone who has ever fallen victim to malicious accusations, this theory would seem ridiculously asinine. It would almost appear that his opinions are based on starting gossip on superfluous information such as the examples given in the article about dining cards and visitation policies. Try starting some gossip about a teacher having an inappropriate relationship with a student and see if that doesn’t end up ruining someone’s livelihood.

Unfortunately, Walker is not the only one who follows this train of thought. Robb Willer, a study researcher and an assistant professor of sociology and psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, also buys into the idea of “good gossip.”

I see where Walker and Willer are going with this, but I can’t help but believe that gossip can still lead to bad outcomes. Rumors and gossip are the same thing, rumors are birthed from gossip’s flaming tongue.

My question is if it is “good gossip,” wouldn’t that just be considered talking, having a discussion perhaps? Why do gossipers only seem to talk about the affairs of others?

Now, not to sound all “girl power,” but I would like to take a poll and perhaps do a little research and see how many women buy into this idea of happy times at Gossip High. Perhaps it is based solely on my own exciting experience that I have such a pessimistic view, so I would like to get some outside input.

Any takers on the sharing-your-personal-opinion front? Do you believe gossip and rumors can be good? And do you believe that gossip and rumors are the same thing? Comments welcome below.

I would like to chew on this thought for a little while and perhaps come back to it. These fine gentlemen obviously are highly educated and have many followers, and are mass marketing their ideals and may be changing the viewpoints of people each day in their classes. So, chew, chew, chew …

Now for a random personal not so good gossip moment:

When I started with my first real job outside of college, I was a naïve, innocent gazelle just waiting to be pounced upon by hyenas. I didn’t realize that being in an office atmosphere would open me up to ridicule and rumor.  

I worked very closely with a separate office through which I met a man, we’ll call him “Ugg”, due to his Neanderthal like personality (no offense to the Neanderthals). I also became friends with a guy closer to my age, we’ll call him “Friend”.

Ugg was a married man, whose wife lived half way across the country. I am sure such a long distance relationship can cause great stress for a marriage, but those who are serious would make due.

Ugg on the other hand was quick to report that he and his wife had an “open” relationship. To quote the oaf himself, “As long as I tell her I am doing someone, and I don’t bring anything home, then she is cool with it.”

My response, “Just because she is ok with it, doesn’t mean I am,” and then an immediate exit from the area did not deter him, no, it just steeled his resolve more on the matter.

One weekend a group of people at work decided to get together for a cookout, I unfortunately did not know the way to the gathering. Stupidly I accepted Ugg’s seemingly kind offer to show me the way. What I didn’t realize was Ugg had decided to pick me up and drive me many miles away from my car to his house first, where he then proceeded to make not so subtle comments about us bumping uglies.
Needless to say, it didn’t happen, but by the time we arrived at the cookout I was at my wit’s end.

Enter Friend, a sweet guy who became my knight in shining armor. When it came time to leave the party, I asked Friend to drive me back to my car to help me avoid a potentially dangerous evening. Being a gentleman, he did just that. Doing nothing more than talking as the friends we were, he drove me to my car, made sure I was safe and left. A nice end to an uncomfortable night.

Returning to work the following Monday, I was immediately bombarded with probing questions as to my actions over the weekend. Apparently, Ugg took serious offense to me not going home with him, and started the rumor that Friend and I had hooked up on our ride home. I will spare you those details he told.

This was the first of many rumors, and it was all downhill from there. Ugg planted the first seed of my promiscuity in the minds of my coworkers, a seed which blossomed and I have never been able to weed out.

My quote for this post will be that of a song instead. Sing it Dido...


Until next time,
Lady Chattergirl